he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize