Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
