What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
