I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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