At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
