You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
