I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
