Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
