I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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