I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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