so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
