First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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