thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
