I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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