bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Say something about gay babies.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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