I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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