before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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