I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
