How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
