Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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