FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
