I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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