you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
