When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
