the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
