Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
