I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
