I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
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He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
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Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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