Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
