Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
