Your face is a jimmy john
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
