Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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