what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
