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he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
