so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
