i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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