is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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