So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
