I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
