You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
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