I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
