Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize