Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
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Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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