Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
