if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
