Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Of course I have a pirate flag
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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