I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Randomize
