the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
