K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
