Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
