yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
