I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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