I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
