Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I did not marry a roomba.
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