he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
