I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
