I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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