I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
