her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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