Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
