would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
