Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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