you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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