dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
