JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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