He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
