he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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