Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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