I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
