i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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