i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
