you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
grandma shit on top of the toilet
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
