I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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