It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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