My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
