i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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