and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
