No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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