Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
